Eulogy for Manny Seidel

About 4 years ago Joan made an 80th birthday party for Manny, in Florida. It was a nice party, with a lot of people who knew Manny, but who probably didn’t know much about him, since he was not one to talk much about himself. So, I took the opportunity to make a little speech, telling a few stories and saying some complimentary things about him. Afterwards, he came over to me and said, “That was really nice…..I hope you saved something for the eulogy”.

Dad – Here’s the stuff I saved for the eulogy…..

Manny was born in the Bronx in 1926, the youngest of 7 children. His father was a carpenter by trade, but Dad never knew him because he died when Manny was only a year old. His two older brothers, Philip and Arthur, were much older than him, and were married and out of the house during his childhood. Three of his sisters, Rose, Betty and Anna, were closer to him in age, and I think it is accurate to say he was raised by his mother (who did not speak English, just Yiddish) and his three sisters. Having known Aunt Rose, Aunt Betty and Aunt Anna, I know there was no shortage of talking going on in the house. I guess Manny HAD to be a good listener, and he was, but he also learned how to carry on a great conversation. He has always been someone you could talk to about anything and everything.

Manny is the last of his brothers and sisters to pass. I did a little math – the descendants of the 7 Seidel children total approximately 90 (I could be a little off because I don’t speak to cousin Naomi as often as I’d like) More than one of my cousins has noted that Manny was the “Last of the Mohicans”. I think his passing brings forth memories of all our parents, and all the times, good and bad, that we shared. Now our generation is at the top of the ladder. We accept this, knowing we were shown the proper way by outstanding people.

Although Manny was not a bad student, he dropped out of high school to go to work. As a teenager, in addition to working, he helped care for his mother, who had a chronic bleeding condition. One of the things he attended to on a regular basis was paying his mother’s debt to the blood bank, by going down to the Bowery and paying bums $5 for blood donations. When he would tell me about this, in vivid detail, it sounded like something out of a Charles Dickens novel. The last time he told me about it, I thought about a few things……one, from the details of the story, it was surely true; two, I always thought of it being a “story”, but when I realized it was not just a story but a part of his teenaged life (that he was still talking about 70 years later) it struck me how difficult his childhood and teenaged years really were.

Having grown up without a father……..being a good father was VERY important to him. He had no role model, so he always did what he thought a good father should do……teach your children how to do things, and show them proper values. A lot of people know that Manny was a very active coach for Brian and I, in Little League and other organized sports. What people may not know, is that when he was a coach, he wasn’t there just to coach US, he wanted to be the coach and father figure to ALL the boys on the team. He especially gravitated to boys who either didn’t have a father at home, or whose father was not coming to the games. If anyone ever thought that Manny played favorites with Brian and I when he was a coach, nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, and he would often say this, he went out of his way to coach ALL the boys,

I am convinced that he stayed at a certain crummy, low-paying job because it had one nice perk…..a light blue van that he was allowed to take home on weekends. This was of course used to take entire teams to our baseball games. Manny was in his glory when we took that van and picked up 5 or 6 boys on the way to Kissena Park or Park Drive East or wherever we played.

I wanted to say something appropriate about my Mom, and Dad’s married life with her. When you look back at something, how you process your thoughts and memories becomes the truth. Something my parents had in common (which I am glad I learned) was the ability to focus on the positive. So, while one could simply recall that my parents had problems they could not resolve, and that they were divorced after 20 years, neither of them would say it that way, and neither would I. I remember our house being happy and full of love. I know Manny remembered it that way, and after he and I talked about it a few times, I knew I wasn’t engaging in wistful recollection, it was true.

Dad placed a high value on what he called “brothers acting like brothers”. There were few things he preached about, but this was something Brian and I always knew was important to him….the idea that brothers should stick together and help each other. It would be inconceivable to either one of us not to abide by this.

I know how proud Manny was of all Brian’s accomplishments . We have a little private family joke that in Florida, I’m known as “the other son”. When I made this observation the first time, Dad got a little flustered and said, “You know I’m proud of you too, right?” Trust me Dad, I knew it.

We experienced some of the greatest times and memories together……I remember driving to Pocono Downs for Brian’s first win as a trainer, it was a rainy night and the horse (Master Vilas) won by a large margin. In the picture of the horses coming down the stretch, you can see Manny and I running through the stands like two lunatics.

Some of our horse adventures weren’t so much fun when they happened, especially the time Manny and I were driving to Delaware to watch the immortal horse “El-Pace-O-Widow” race at Dover Downs. While driving on 95 South in Jersey, the hood on one of Manny’s old bomb cars flew open in our faces, forcing us to drive while looking out the sides around it. We got to Dover Downs after 5 hours, the horse broke at the start, and we turned around and drove back. I wouldn’t trade a day like that for anything

Manny was never a person who was defined by his career, and in some ways I think he was disappointed in himself. During his life he was an assistant to the owner of a high-end furniture company, a warehouse manager, a shipping clerk in the garment center, and then in Florida he was a security guard (the two high points of this job were that the golfer Bernhard Langer lived in the development and knew Manny’s name, and that he once rescued a dog from a ditch). In Florida he also worked at an eye hospital, driving people home after surgery, and he worked for an auto mechanic, driving customers to work and helping out in the shop. He once told me it bothered him that he was not “successful”. I had an easy answer to that one, which was it depends how you define “success”, and I proceeded to describe a long list of his successes. We had this conversation more than once, and I do think he came to know it was true. If I helped him to see this, I am eternally thankful.

Manny was very proud of his role in Joan’s family. Jeff and Debbie were adults when he became part of their family, and I know (because he told me) that he knew he would never replace someone’s father, nor would he want to. He only wanted to be there in any way that he could. However, he had no hesitation being the grandpa to Brian, Rachel and Elisa, and a great-grandpa to their children. He loved being with them, talking about them, and doing things with them. And just like when I was a kid, I never minded sharing him.

Brian and I have tremendous gratitude to Joan, for making Manny happy for so many years, and for giving him the type of life he would never have otherwise had. He loved living (and working) in Florida, having friends, playing tennis, playing golf, going to movies and shows, rooting for the Marlins (I learned to accept this) going on cruises and trips, and being a part of someone else’s life and having her be a part of his.

Many of you know that in December, Manny, Brian and I took a trip to Las Vegas together. Besides the laughs, and the gambling, and the shows, and the meals, there are a few things about it that I did not realize would be so meaningful. The itinerary was for Brian to spend a few days with Dad in Florida, then they’d fly together to Vegas, where I would meet them. Manny and Brian had a great time together in Florida. While we were in Vegas, Brian’s daughter Robin drove in from LA, and we shared a nice dinner and breakfast the next day. After the trip, Manny stayed with us in New York for a few days, and it was nice and relaxing. The entire trip was conceived as one of those “I don’t want to some day say I shoulda” situations, and the feeling now, having done it, is beyond words. All I can say is, if you are ever in that situation, and you think you SHOULD do it….DO IT

When Manny stayed with us the last time, I noticed what a real bond he had with Felicia, and Emilie, and Rebecca. He thought the world of Felicia, and was in awe of everything Emilie and Rebecca were doing. Girls…..Pop-Pop will always be a part of who you are. It made me so happy to see that my girls really GOT what Manny is all about. I am proud that they know, and value, the things that really count.


OK……..so……..I want to be a “real” writer, and do something real writers do, a reading of my work to an audience. I haven’t done that ……. YET, ……..but yet is now……so thank you Dad, for not only giving me inspiration, and giving me great material, thank you for giving me a captive audience for my reading……

This is called "Going to Aqueduct with Dad"

Every May, I watch (and bet on) The Kentucky Derby. It's my favorite sporting event of the year. Better than the Super Bowl, better than the Final Four. I don’t watch the two hour pre-race build-up, I read a few stories in The Post, call up Dad to see who he likes, then bet my selections, and watch the race. I've hit a few nice longshots over the years, most notably Charismatic and Monarchos.


My love of horseracing started with....


GOING TO AQUEDUCT WITH DAD

Sometimes on a Saturday, my Dad would suggest that he and I "head over to The Big A". Since I was only 7 years old, he wasn't saying this to me, he was saying it to my Mom. I wonder if taking me along made this activity more palatable to her. The first few times he said it, I worried that she would say no, but she never did. After a few times, I knew that when he suggested it, we were going.

The Big A is "Aqueduct", a race track in Ozone Park, Queens. It's where the thoroughbreds race in New York when they are not at Belmont or Saratoga. A workingman's racetrack.


















We never parked in the parking lot, always in the street about a mile away. "Why should we pay to park?", my Dad said. So we walked through Ozone Park, past little houses and Italian grocery stores. When we got inside, Dad bought a program and a Daily Racing Form. The program was small but impressive, it gave you the basic information about each race: the horse names and post positions, the trainers, the owners, the jockeys (including their weights and "colors"). Dad told me that when we picked a horse to bet on, to remember the jockeys colors, especially his cap, so we could see him in the backstretch. There were 9 races a day, with about 24 minutes between races. We used that time to "study our selections". The program was just for looking, while the Daily Racing Form was for studying. It had tons more info than the program, including the charts of each horses prior races. I learned how to read it pretty well. You had to look at the distances, times, surfaces, class, weights, jockey changes, trainer changes, and many other factors. Both the program and the racing form had a little "map" showing you where the starting and finish line were for the particular distance. I always liked a 7 furlong race at Aqueduct, because the horses started "in the chute", and the chart showed that.










We always went and looked at the horses and jockeys in the walking ring, before they went on the track. There was a ritual to this. The horses would be walked around, while the jockeys would stand talking to the trainers. The jockeys would wear different colors for each race, with different colors for different parts of their attire, the program would tell you...."red cap, yellow sleeves, red sashes, polka dot hoops". I would always check that they had it right. Dad told me about some of the jockeys. Our favorite was Braulio Baeza. He was from Panama, and although I did not know it then, he was one of the greatest jockeys of all time. I only knew what Dad told me, "Look at Braulio Baeza, he sits on a horse straight and tall and proud. No other jockey sits like him." It was true.

I always looked at Braulio Baeza first, to make sure he was sitting straight and tall. The other jockey I liked was Manuel Ycaza. There were three reasons I liked him. People called him "Manny", his last name started with a "Y", and he rode aggressively. Several times I read in the racing form that he was suspended for "rough riding". I always hoped to see a race where he did that. According to my Dad, some jockeys were "good on the turf", some were better with sprinters than closers, and some jockeys rode well for certain trainers. Who knew if any of this were true? Who cared? When the horses were ready to go on the track, the jockeys would walk over to their horses, and a booming voice would call out "Put your riders up, please." At that moment all the trainers would give their jockeys "a leg up" and hoist them up on the horse. Then they would walk once around the walking ring and head to the track.....to the sound of the bugle.














We would follow, Dad would "make his wager", and then we would watch the race from our special vantage point. We had a stairway bannister leading to the upper grandstand. It was right on the finish line, and we would stand on the bannister and look over with a perfect view. I stood near the top, with Dad to my left, a little further down the bannister. We would wait for the magical voice of the track announcer, Fred Caposella, to say "It is now post time". And then we would watch the race and hopefully root our horse in.

In horse racing, you can't win every time. In fact, it's difficult if not impossible to win in the long run. We took our defeats in stride, and felt pride in our winners.

The experiences of going to Aqueduct with Dad have stayed with me....... Whenever I visited Dad in Florida, we always went to the track....there's a shocker. When I pick horses now, I focus on the jockeys, though I have never liked any as much as I liked Braulio Baeza and Manny Ycaza.When I take Rebecca to Met games, we park on the street in Corona, and walk a mile to the stadium, past little houses and bodegas. I'm not paying $18 to park, and for some strange reason, this feels like the right thing to do.

When it's the first Saturday in May, I watch the Kentucky Derby. And I always will…..and root my horses in with Dad.

Felicia's Eulogy for Manny Seidel

The night before Dad's funeral, while I was working on my eulogy, Felicia told me she was thinking of doing one too. I was surprised, pleased, and very proud that she wanted to do this. We kicked around a few ideas and themes, so we would not be repetitive, and agreed not to edit each other, but to hear them for the first time as they were read. This is what she said....

FELICIA'S EULOGY FOR MANNY SEIDEL

I just wanted to say a few things and then I will let my eloquent husband deliver the eulogy for Manny. As most of you know I have known Barry for a very long time, and over the years I have been so fortunate to witness a very special relationship between the boys, Barry, Brian and Manny. The love and respect and fun and laughs they had with each other was amazing. You don't see relationships like that very often.

In December the three of them got together for a trip to Las Vegas. Manny and Brian had never been to Vegas and they had a terrific time together, seeing shows, eating, and of course gambling. They had been planning to plan this trip for quite a while - it was great that they finally stopped planning and actually took this very special trip. Barry wrote all about the trip on his blog, and let me note that Manny has been one of Barry's favorite blog topics. He has written about him 11 times.

After Vegas Manny stayed in our house for a few days before going back to Florida. He spent time with me and Emilie and Rebecca. We enjoyed cake and coffee (he loved cake), and we talked about all kinds of things. We are so grateful for that time - we had no idea it would be the last time we would see him.

I would like to share something.......About 4 or 5 years ago, close to Barry's birthday, Manny and Barry were having one of their long telephone conversations. Manny said something like "You know if I don't send birthday cards that doesn't mean I don't love you - You understand that I just have never sent cards." Barry proceeded to tell Manny about his most recent blog piece, called "The Power of Yet", which talks about the most powerful three letter word in the English language - Y-E-T. The main idea is that if you have negative or limiting thoughts, like "I don't exercise" or "I don't know how to use a computer" - if you add YET to that sentence it opens a world of possibilities. Barry suggested to Manny that maybe he just didn't send cards YET. Then they continued to talk about other things. A few days later, on Barry's birthday, he received a handpicked card from Manny, with baseball pictures on the front, and inside Manny wrote "Dear Barry - YET IS NOW".

Every subsequent year Barry has received cards on his birthday and as you can see he has saved them.

I was thinking of something philosophical to say to close, but I’m going to read from the inside of one of Manny's cards because I think this will sum up nicely......

"Dear Barry - From a Little League coach to coach for a goal in life - Yet is Now is good, but 3 keys to reaching your goal:

1. You must want to.

2. You must be consistent.

3. Set short term as well as long term goals.

Stolen directly from a diet.

Love - Pop Pop - The Old Dad - or Carmine -Take your choice."

Trip to Vegas......Part 4

A few more highlights of the trip were:

- My niece Robin and her boyfriend Steve drove in from L.A., and we went out with them for dinner, and then breakfast the following morning.

- I used the GPS in my Blackberry with great success throughout the trip, except once when I put in an address for a breakfast place as "530 South Decatur" when it should have been "530 North Decatur", and we ended up in front of a shack in the desert.

- The weather was in the 40's and raining the whole time, but it did not matter.

- At one point I realized that Brian was really good at helping Manny get dressed, groomed and out the door because basically, this is what he has been doing with his horses for the last 30 years.

- I didn't play poker during the trip because it would have been too isolating. Watching basketball games and betting on horse racing with the boys was much more fun.

- One night at dinner, just after we had all played craps, Manny stated that he did not like the way one of the women threw the dice, because "when someone throws the dice too hard, high numbers come out". I pointed out that this was mathematically impossible, but he insisted it was so. I decided not to press the issue, remembering that earlier in the day I had told Brian "Don't hit the chips when you roll, whenever you do you'll roll a 7."

- One night we ate at an excellent seafood buffet. Brian and I loaded up our plates with all kinds of seafood, and a few minutes later Manny sat down with a piece of prime rib. I saw him cutting and cutting and nothing was happening. As Brian and I were about to get up for more food, Manny hadn't eaten bite one. He looked at us and said "I ordered the wrong thing." Brian and I said together "It's a fuckin' buffet!!!", and without a word we went up and loaded several plates of seafood, which we all then shared.

- In hindsight, I should have taken more pictures, but here are a couple:

Brian and Manny getting ready.

It's safe to say that gambling had either just happened, or was about to....or both.

At the end of the trip we all flew back to New York, and Manny stayed with me for a few days before flying back to Florida. The day after we got home he said to me, "You made us a great trip. I was thinking that if we had done this trip when I was 20 or 30 years younger, it would have been different, maybe wild and crazy. But I loved the trip the way it was, being with my boys."

I loved it too Dad.

Trip to Vegas.....Part 3

One of the unexpected highlights of our trip was a visit to Fremont Street. This is the downtown "Old Vegas" area, away from the strip. I had heard it was nice, so I looked up a restaurant in the area, and figured we'd eat and then check things out. What I did not know was that Fremont Street is like a domed stadium, with casinos and stores all along the walking area, and a roof where they have spectacular light shows. After a finger lickin' dinner of Tony Roma ribs, we saw the "American Pie" light show. Here is a youtube clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDacQmFv4zc&feature=related What was especially enjoyable, was that the streets were crowded with enthusiastic people, all singing and dancing to American Pie.

Since we were there in early December, there was a big Christmas tree and a nice band.








Here we are.....Barry, Manny and Brian on Fremont Street.










Another sightseeing thing we did was check out "The Venetian" hotel. Like many of the Vegas hotels on the strip, it has a gimmick.....it simulates Venice. As you walk around, there are canals, and gondoliers, and shops, and a "fake sky" over head. It's not Venice, it's not romantic, it's not "European", but its VERY cool.


At one point we passed what appeared to be a statue, but was actually a human being. I guess it's "art" or something. I went up and had my picture taken with her, and although she stayed in character, I asked her to flirt with my Dad, and she winked at me. When we all went up for a picture, she stayed frozen, but tickled Manny's palm.




While walking around the Venetian, Manny said "my feet hurt because my shoes are no good". These are the white shoes shown in the picture. I said, "What kind of shoes do you want?" He said, "Brown Rockports, with velcro instead of laces. I heard Rockports were comfortable." It surprised me that he actually had an opinion about this. About 5 minutes later, we turned a corner and there was a Rockport store. I ran in and said, "Do you have brown Rockports, with Velcro?" Pretty stupid question, I admit, and the guy replied "Yeah, it's a Rockport store." So, we three men shopped for shoes for Manny, with the whole transaction taking 5 minutes, including trying on and walking around. We were all proud of our accomplishment, and even more so when Manny's walking dramatically improved with his new shoes.

Next.....Trip to Vegas, part 4.

Trip to Vegas....Part 2

Prior to the trip I got tickets to two shows. On Friday night we saw Frank Caliendo, who was appearing at our hotel. Very convenient to walk from the crap table right into the theatre. If you are not familiar with Frank Caliendo, he is an excellent impersonator/comedian. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLM0esS0Z0g&feature=related

On Saturday night we saw Andrew Dice Clay at The Riviera. This is an old-style, seedy, run-down hotel on the strip. Kind of like The Shangri-La in the movie "The Cooler" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHIH8zkVfg4 Andrew Dice Clay was playing in a little nightclub style room, deep in the recesses of the shabby Riviera. While we were waiting to be seated, the hostess came over to Brian and I and asked if the man we were with was our Dad. When we said yeah, she said "It may be a wait until we start seating people, I'm gonna give you guys seats up front and seat you right away". This was very good, considering it took 45 minutes to seat everyone else.

So, we saw the politically incorrect Andrew Dice Clay. If you are not familiar with Dice, here's a short clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlnfOsBf6T8&feature=related The thing is, while his current act is as raunchy as ever, he has plenty of new material, and he IS a pro (which in comedy means he has great interactions with the audience). No lie, we were in stitches for over an hour. After the show, Manny did point out that "This guy didn't invent this kind of comedy, Redd Foxx used to do stuff like this".

For Sunday, we knew in advance it would be all about betting on pro football. I saw an ad for "1500 seat theatre for NFL games, 6 big screens, no smoking" at the Hilton. We agreed this was for us. The NFL games start at 10 AM in Vegas, so we decided to go for a breakfast buffet at the Hilton, and then go to the theatre for the games. The Hilton had a GREAT breakfast buffet, which was right next to an impressive sports book.

We didn't stay at the sportsbook, but it's a nice one. The big screen in the middle of the picture has the odds on all the games and all kinds of proposition bets. Besides football, they had basketball, horseracing, "future bets" for baseball, and betting on Nascar.

We walked over to the theatre, where there was no charge, but a small line to get in. Right outside the door were several betting windows, strictly for football. This is the way life is supposed to be!! While we were waiting to get in, one of the hostesses came over to Brian and said "Are you guys here with your Dad?" When he said yeah, she said "I'm watching you guys take care of him, and I take care of my Dad too, I'm gonna give you guys VIP seating, and wristbands for free food and drinks all day". Not too shabby, and we told Manny that we both agree he is very "useful".

In hindsight, I made some good picks, but bet poorly at football. I loved the Jets against Tampa Bay, but I only bet a little on them. I used the Jets in a lot of parlays, which means I needed the Jets AND other teams to win the bet. The Jets killed Tampa Bay, but most of my other teams were busts, and it cost me. Such is sports betting.

Next.....Part 3

Trip to Vegas....Part 1

When I started to actually plan the long discussed "Trip to Vegas With Manny and Brian", I thought that one fringe benefit would be writing about it. It had potential for great material, especially considering how much I enjoyed writing about my previous Florida visits with Manny. It is now a month since the trip (we were in Vegas 12/10 - 12/14), and I haven't blogged on it yet.


Here goes......it was a weekend of booze and broads, hot streaks at the tables, and some nights I can't even remember. Oh wait, that's the imaginary trip I took when I was single, Manny was magically the same age as me, and Brian attracted babes just by walking in the room.

I must report: that was NOT our trip.

OUR trip started with Brian and Manny flying into Vegas from Florida, and me flying in from New York. We landed at the same time (I know this because Brian called me on the cell phone at the precise moment and I actually saw their plane on the ground right next to mine). I went and got the rental car and came back to pick them up. This was a theme throughout the trip....we constantly coordinated all our movements to adjust to Manny's minor limitations. Brian and I made up systems for everything, so everything we did fit with what Manny was able to do.

We stayed at the Monte Carlo, a big hotel on the strip.

















I like it because it is not "over the top" on glitz, it has a nice casino, plenty of restaurants, and is centrally located to many of the other hotels. We ate at a few of the restaurants there, and the buffet, and they were all fine.

I knew in advance that Brian enjoys sports betting, especially football, so I was glad to see the Monte Carlo had a small, comfortable sports book. It had betting on college and pro basketball, college and pro football, and of course, horse racing from all over the country. We played them all, in comfort and without regard for anything going on anywhere else in the world. A few times we bet on games that we knew were on TV, then went up to our room and watched them. I got a kick out of yelling and screaming for Kansas to cover a 22 point spread against some crappy small school.....and they did cover it!

The first thing some people asked me when we got back was...."how did you do with the gambling?" The casino at the Monte Carlo only had three craps tables, which were pretty busy, usually $5 minimums with triple odds, exactly how I like it. I played a lot of craps, and taught Brian to play. I even caught him playing without me once!!! I was probably up a bit at craps for the trip. I had a few sessions where I did well, and cashed out ahead. I had some sessions where I lost, but never a session where I got really hammered (which can happen at craps, but during the whole trip it never happened to me).

I did not do as well at sports betting or Caribbean Stud poker, which caused me to have a net gambling loss for the trip. However, considering the amount of play, and considering that the amount I lost was a fraction of what I was prepared to put in play, I rated my gambling for the trip as successful. I know that some of my readers gamble, while some don't, but I feel compelled to say something about gambling as an entertainment activity. In the long run, one cannot win at casino gambling. The math is against you, and the longer you play, the more the math must catch up and beat you. That being said, over the short term, players tend to have times when things go right and there are times when you win. It never happens that one loses every bet. That would be as unlikely as winning every bet, it just doesn't happen. I like to play craps with the intention of playing for a certain amount of time, say 45 minutes. If I catch a nice roll, and am ahead a few hundred bucks, I cash out and do something else. If I start out at a table and its cold, and I am down a few, I also cash out and walk.

Sometimes, you may bet at a certain level, catch a little streak and get ahead, and take a shot at playing at a higher level. If you catch another streak while doing this, you have some real excitement. This DOES actually happen sometimes, and it IS enticing. What you can't do, is try to force it, or chase it, or figure that the odds are its going to happen soon so you keep playing. I don't do that, Brian doesn't do that, and Manny doesn't do that (any more).

Next.....Trip to Vegas, Part 2......

Going to Aqueduct With Dad

Today is Kentucky Derby day. I always watch (and bet on) The Derby. It's my favorite sporting event of the year. Better than the Super Bowl, better than the Final Four. Of course, this has something to do with it lasting only two minutes. I used to watch the two hour build-up, but now I don't bother with that. I read a few stories in The Post, bet my selections, and watch the race. I've hit a few nice longshots over the years, most notably Charismatic and Monarchos. My love of horseracing started with....

GOING TO AQUEDUCT WITH DAD

Sometimes on a Saturday, my Dad would suggest that he and I "head over to The Big A". Since I was only 7 years old, he wasn't saying this to me, he was saying it to my Mom. I wonder if taking me along made this activity more palatable to her. The first few times he said it, I worried that she would say no, but she never did. After a few times, I knew that when he suggested it, we were going.

We had a routine. It was always just he and I. Brian (who was 5) only went with us once, but he was "too cranky". After that he was not asked to go, and he never protested when Dad and I went. The Big A is "Aqueduct", a race track in Ozone Park, Queens. It's where the thoroughbreds race in New York when they are not at Belmont or Saratoga. A workingman's racetrack.















We never parked in the parking lot, always in the street about a mile away. "Why should we pay to park?", my Dad said. So we walked through Ozone Park, past little houses and Italian grocery stores. When we got inside, Dad bought a program and a Daily Racing Form. The program was small but impressive, it gave you the basic information about each race: the horse names and post positions, the trainers, the owners, the jockeys (including their weights and "colors"). Dad told me that when we picked a horse to bet on, to remember the jockeys colors, especially his cap, so we could see him in the backstretch.

There were 9 races a day, with about 24 minutes between races. We used that time to "study our selections". The program was just for looking, while the Daily Racing Form was for studying. It had tons more info than the program, including the charts of each horses prior races. I learned how to read it pretty well. You had to look at the distances, times, surfaces, class, weights, jockey changes, trainer changes, and many other factors. Both the program and the racing form had a little "map" showing you where the starting and finish line were for the particular distance.











I always liked a 7 furlong (furlong is an eighth of a mile) race at Aqueduct, because the horses started "in the chute", and the chart showed that.

We always went and looked at the horses and jockeys in the walking ring, before they went on the track. There was a ritual to this. The horses would be walked around, while the jockeys would stand talking to the trainers. The jockeys would wear different colors for each race, with different colors for different parts of their attire, the program would tell you...."red cap, yellow sleeves, red sashes, polka dot hoops". I would always check that they had it right.

Dad told me about some of the jockeys. Our favorite was Braulio Baeza. He was from Panama, and although I did not know it then, he was one of the greatest jockeys of all time. I only knew what Dad told me, "Look at Braulio Baeza, he sits on a horse straight and tall and proud. No other jockey sits like him." It was true.












I always looked at Braulio Baeza first, to make sure he was sitting straight and tall. The other jockey I liked was Manuel Ycaza. There were three reasons I liked him. People called him "Manny", which was my Dad's name, his last name started with a "Y", which was unusual, and he rode aggressively. Several times I read in the racing form that he was suspended for "rough riding". I always hoped to see a race where he did that.

According to my Dad, some jockeys were "good on the turf", some were better with sprinters than closers, and some jockeys rode well for certain trainers. Who knew if any of this were true? Who cared?

When the horses were ready to go on the track, the jockeys would walk over to their horses, and a booming voice would call out "Put your riders up, please." At that moment all the trainers would give their jockeys "a leg up" and hoist them up on the horse. Then they would walk once around the walking ring and head to the track.....to the sound of the bugle.















We would follow, Dad would "make his wager", and then we would watch the race from our special vantage point. We had a stairway bannister leading to the upper grandstand. It was right on the finish line, and we would stand on the bannister and look over with a perfect view. I stood near the top, with Dad to my left, a little further down the bannister. We would wait for the magical voice of the track announcer, Fred Caposella, to say "It is now post time". I had to look long and hard to find a Fred Caposella race call, and here it is. At the beginning of the clip is a different announcer, and then it picks up with the real deal. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liAwNjeKAvI&feature=related

In horse racing, you can't win every time. In fact, it's difficult if not impossible to win in the long run. We took our defeats in stride, and felt pride in our winners. On the way home we talked about the races. No matter how well or poorly our horses did, we always had a great day at Aqueduct. And, the experiences have stayed with me.......

When I visit Dad in Florida now, we always go to the track....there's a shocker.

When I pick horses now, I focus on the jockeys.

When I take Rebecca to Met games, we park on the street in Corona and walk a mile to the stadium. I'm not paying $18 to park, and for some strange reason, it feels like the right thing to do.

When it's the first Saturday in May, I always watch the Kentucky Derby.

Happy Springtime to all!

Passover's Field of Dreams

The annual telling of the Passover story, an unbroken oral history spanning countless generations, is a marvel. I can safely say I have a 51 year streak. I generally spend Passover with people who have similar streaks, usually going way back on both sides of their family. I blogged a little about this last year. http://nylaw2law.blogspot.com/search/label/Passover

This year we hosted 17 friends for Seder night one, and 20 family members on night two. For the second straight year, on the second night we had my mother's cousin's and their children. All my Seders growing up were with these cousins, and their parents, all German-Jewish Holocaust escapees. (I will blog tomorrow about the term "escapees" as opposed to "survivors", though niether denotation should diminish the other). At Uncle Max and Aunt Rose's house, and at Gusti & Freddy's, Brian and I were always the little kids. Now, Mom's cousins are my fellow grown-ups, and there are new kids experiencing Passover (though some of the "kids" are in fact adults). They are part of something important, and I know they will come to know that.

My Dad (Manny, of the renowned Weekend With Manny series) was in from Florida and spent both nights with us. He enjoyed spending time with his ex-extended family. He shares a lot of history with them, and if he has an 82 year seder streak, he had at least 20 with them. I arranged the seating so Manny sat next to me, and he did not notice that I placed my Mom's photo behind him,

(Mom in 1986 with grand-daughters Robin and Emilie)











looking out over the festivities. At some point during dinner I looked at him, and Mom's photo over his shoulder, and said,
"I'm sure glad we're sitting here talking, and that if we ever had problems we fixed them. We never had a broken father-son relationship, like in Field of Dreams."
Manny said, "I never saw it."
This surprised me, because he's seen most movies, and we enjoy talking about them.
"Dad, a movie about baseball, fathers, and sons, and you never saw it?"
"I dunno, I've seen parts on TV and it looked stupid, a guy builds a baseball diamond in his cornfield."


Naturally, I had to give him a brief synopsis.....essentially....."An idealistic man and his wife grow up from hippie life and have a farm in Iowa. Things are good, but the man feels some things in his life are not right. One day, he hears a voice, saying 'if you build it, HE will come'. Long story short, he plows under his cornfield and builds a baseball diamond, so the ghost of Shoeless Joe Jackson, and other dead baseball legends, can come to play. Only he and his wife and daughter can see them. Meanwhile, he is not making any money, his brother-in-law thinks he's nuts, and the farm may be foreclosed. He hears more voices, telling him to find a particular writer (who no longer writes) and a baseball player who played one inning in the majors in 1918 (before becoming a doctor in Minnesota) and bring them to Iowa. So he does. As he is driving back to Iowa with the writer, we learn that the man has suffered a great loss, a broken relationship with his father, who died with the relationship unrepaired. During the whole movie the man does not question any of things the voices told him to do, and finally, Shoeless Joe Jackson tells him what it's REALLY about. Note..... if you have never seen Field of Dreams and are inspired to watch it by my synopsis, don't watch this clip. If you have seen it, you know the drill, the thing makes me cry every time http://youtube.com/watch?v=3XS2UtAlmX4 "


I made Manny promise to watch the movie with me next time he's in town.

Three of my favorite movie lines are in this clip....
"Is this heaven?" "It's Iowa."
"Heaven is the place dreams come true" He looks at wife and child swinging on porch and says "maybe this IS heaven."
and of course...."Hey Dad, wanna have a catch?"


Field of Dreams is all about connecting with the past and trying to make things right. All the main characters (Ray, Doc Graham and Terrance Mann) have unfinished business, things from their past they need to make right. I am thankful I don't need to plow my cornfield to make things right with my Dad, and grateful to live in freedom with my family (maybe this IS heaven)


On Passover we seek to connect our collective memory chain back to a defining moment of faith and deliverance. We need the next generations to know, and for the story to be told.


Tomorrow....Passover and Yom HaShoah.

My Weekend With Manny Part 4

This is the last installment of "Weekend With Manny"......I promise.

We went back to the Pompano casino, with a game plan of simulcasting/poker, buffet dinner, then simulcasting/poker. Actually, I didn't play poker before dinner, we bet on simulcast horse racing from all over the country. I insisted that Manny find a nice seat, because I suspected if I didn't remind him to do this, he'd stand the whole time. I think Manny thought we'd eat dinner at around 5, but we lost track of time and didn't think of it till 7. I hit two nice winners at the Meadowlands (something cool about betting a New Jersey track in Florida), and was ahead a few dollars.

We walked over to the buffet and there was a long line.

"Oh shit", my Daddy said.
"Don't worry Dad, it's a buffet, it will move fast because people want to eat and get back to gambling."

I saw people walking by with plates piled high with shrimps, crablegs, and other "high end buffet" stuff. The wait wasn't too bad, and the way it works is.....you pay, you are admitted, and you eat as much as you want. It's self-serve, except a waitress brings you drinks and coffee. Our entrance tab came to $54.

"Oh shit", my Daddy said.
"Don't worry Dad. First of all, I'm on vacation. Second, I'm ahead exactly $54 from horse racing. Third, let's enjoy some good food."

We split up to load our plates. I loaded up with shrimps and cocktail sauce. Also some brisket, some lasagna, and some fresh turkey with cranberries. And some salad.

I waited awhile for Manny to return, and started eating.

He then came over, and sat down with what looked like a cup of consomme.

I said, "What the fuck is that? A $54 cup of consomme?"

After he stopped laughing, and after I stopped laughing, he explained that he likes to check everything out first, have a cup of soup and THEN get his food. Who could argue?

He didn't eat that much, but then I realized why. He was saving room for desert. Fact is, the desert choice was extensive. While I picked at my rice pudding, he came back loaded with an impressive variety of cakes and pies. When he was almost done, we saw a woman walk by with an ice cream cone. Manny said "That looks good. I'd like to have an ice cream cone."
"So get one."
"I didn't see any."
"Dad, that lady had an ice cream cone, so they have it. You want me to get you one?"
"Yeah, vanilla.....with the kind of cone she had."
I brought back two ice cream cones. I can't remember ever enjoying one so much.

After that, I played poker for a few hours. Manny played horses, and assured me he was "taking it easy", and I believed him. He came over to the poker tables at around 11:30, and it wasn't busy, so nobody had a problem with him hanging out and watching. When it's busy that's frowned upon. I know he got a kick out of watching me play poker with "MEN", and I got a kick out of watching him watch. He hung out with me till about 1 AM. We drove home and reviewed the rules of the game he had just watched for two hours (Omaha hi-lo 8 or better). He had a pretty good idea, and we also reviewed some of the better hands. He really liked it when I stuck it to a nasty guy across the table and took down a big pot. I wasn't sure at the time if he had noticed that, but he had. He commented "That guy was a prick, everyone at the table was happy when you beat him."

We got home at 1:30!!!! I think we both felt like teenagers.

Next morning....what to do for breakfast....
I knew....."Pop, we're going to John G's, the place that Joan was raving about."
"But we don't know how to get there."
I just looked at him.
He said, "I guess you'll find out"

We had a great breakfast at John G's http://www.johngs.com/index.html Great food, good coffee, right on the ocean.

Back at the ranch, we rested till it was time for me to go. As you may recall, I finished the weekend by flying home during the Super Bowl. http://nylaw2law.blogspot.com/2008/02/super-at-36000-feet.html

Start to finish, it was a weekend that will be hard to beat.

My Weekend With Manny Part 3

After my mechanical triumph I told Manny I'd like to relax and read by the pool. I had never been to the Century Village pool, so I asked him to either come with me or show me where it was. Turns out there are about five pools in Century Village, a main pool and four "satellites". He recommended the nearest satellite pool, so off we went.

On the way there we met one of his neighbors. The conversation went like this.....

Manny: "Lucille, this is my son Barry."

Lucille: "The horse racing guy?"

Manny: "No, my other son."

Lucille: "Oh, nice to meet you."

A little background is in order. My brother, Brian Seidel, has been a harness racing trainer and driver for the past 30 years. I know, all across the Midwest my blog readers are thinking, "What kind of career is this for a Jewish boy from Queens?" It's not the usual, that's for sure. Here are some harness racing pictures from my archives.........





Picture on the left is Brian's first win as a trainer. Left to right is Manny, Brian, driver Ron Battoni and me. The horse was named "Master Vilas". He was blind in his left eye and raced with a special covering, which can be seen in the picture.

Picture on the right is a horse named Fly Fly Elsie, with Brian driving. In the photo, from the left is Brian's friend Eddie, Brian and Manny. I had put together an ownership group for Fly Fly Elsie, and she won quite a few races.











At the pool Manny introduced me to another acquaintance....

Manny: "Max, this is my son Barry."
Max: "The harness driver?"
Manny: "No, my other son."
Max: "Oh."

After awhile we walked back to the apartment and ran into another neighbor, Walter...

Manny: "Walter, this is my son Barry."

Walter (to me): "Driven any winners lately?"

Barry: "Nah, that's his other son."

Walter: "Oh."

Upstairs I made some sandwiches for us. As we sat down I said, "I'm enjoying this."

"What....lunch?"

"No, being the other son. It's......different. I kinda like it."

Manny said, "Are you sure? I mean, you know how proud I am of you, I just have more opportunities to talk about Brian because people find it interesting."

"Dad, it's totally great. Actually, I'm looking forward to telling Brian about it."

We both laughed till we were coughing.

Then we made our plan for the rest of the day. He wanted to go back to the buffet at Pompano for dinner, followed by more simulcasting and poker. I had one small addition.....we should do simulcasting and poker before dinner too!

Next: My Weekend With Manny Part 4......Buffet dinner and late night at the casino.....

My Weekend With Manny Part 2

Just prior to going to bed on night one, Joan made the shocking discovery that "the refrigerator light is out....I'll have to call someone to fix it."

Manny was in his pajamas, but said "I'll fix it tomorrow."
Joan said, "I'll have to call someone."
Manny said "I can fix it, but it will have to be tomorrow."
Joan said, "OK".

I was up first the next morning. The fridge light was still out. Joan was up next, went to the refrigerator, and said "I'll have to call someone to fix this."
When Manny came into the kitchen, she said to him, "The light in the refigerator is out, I'll call someone today."

I was expecting him to blow up, but he said nothing. I felt like blowing up, but instead I said, "I'm sure I can fix that." I knew that ACTION was required, so without much ado I placed the contents of the top two shelves on the counter, and quickly removed the top two shelves so I could assess the situation. Manny was amazed at my assertiveness and said "What are you doing?"

My answer shocked him even more....I said "Have you got any tools?"

Putting things in perspective......Manny is pretty handy. However, my main recollections of Dad fixing things involve cursing and nervousness. I hated being around that, especially since I have those tendencies too (genetic? or learned?). I always shied away from any "do it yourself" work. I've often noted my strength area when it comes to repairs is "yellow pages". That being said, I have gained SOME experience and confidence at minor repairs. I take a calm, studied approach, and I know my limitations. Refrigerator light (with cover over the bulb) is in my jurisdiction. Unbeknownst to my hosts I had recently removed "cover of oven light" (a much BIGGER job) at home.

Manny went to get his tools, while Joan said "I'll call someone, you don't need to do this."

But I DID need to do it.

Manny had a big tool kit, but he did not have the adjustable wrench I needed to remove the grating over the bulb. However, he did have my favorite tool, the vice grip. I took it from the box and said "This'll work."
Manny said, "Whoa pal, you sure you know what you're doing?"
Joan said "I really should just call someone."
But they could not stop me, I was in the zone.

The vice grip enabled me to remove the two nuts and take off the cover. The bulb unscrewed and I handed it to Joan and said...."We need one of these." She silently went into the bedroom and brought me the exact bulb.

Neither of them knew how excited I was, and when I screwed the bulb in and it worked I screamed.........."LIGHT!!!!! I HAVE MADE LIGHT!!!!!!!!"

Then, without a word, I screwed the cover back on, put the two shelves back, and put all the food back in the fridge.

Manny then said, "Son, I'm so proud of you. Not because you fixed it, but because you were so calm. It's like you are.....mature."

Joan said, "You guys want scrambled eggs today?"

Tomorrow....my Weekend With Manny Part 3.

My Weekend With Manny

I spent Super Bowl weekend (Thursday thru Sunday) with my Dad in Florida. I went alone. I like going with the whole family, but it's hard to work it all out, and it gets expensive, and what the heck, I wanted to try it this way. After all, as Joan (his companion for the last 25 years) optimistically pointed out...."How much longer has he got?" I hated to admit it, she had a point. The fact is, for 82 he's doing pretty well. His mind is fine, he still drives (though not so much at night....a Florida thing), and we still have fun together. The thought of some day saying "I shoulda" was abhorrent, so I did it.


I arrived in Fort Lauderdale airport on time, got my rented car, and drove up to Century Village in Boca Raton. Manny always seems amazed that I'm able to "work these things out", but we don't dwell on it. I've heard Century Village called "Cemetary Village", but I like to think of it as "college dorm life for old people."





When I arrived Joan made me some bagels and cream cheese. She also offered some creamy herring with onions, which I declined.....though Manny enjoyed it. I proudly showed him my Super Bowl grids and boxes, with the extra copies I had made for him, and he assured me that he "would never understand it".

We then reviewed our itinerary, which we had discussed on the phone the week before. The plan was "to play nine holes of golf on Friday morning, and then see how things go". Manny and I have a common golf background, we both started late in life and we are pretty bad at it. Considering he never played until he was 60, he's actually not bad. It's a tribute to his natural athletic ability. I started in my 30's and have no excuse. I don't keep score, and I am fine with just being out there and taking a zen approach (as an aside, here's an Amazon link to a cool golf book Golf in the Kingdom http://www.amazon.com/Golf-Kingdom-Esalen-Michael-Murphy/dp/0140195491.

We did not golf in the Kingdom, we opted for a nine hole executive course in Margate, http://www.golflink.com/golf-courses/course.asp?course=1794856 Nine holes on an executive (which means smaller and faster playing) course is just right. We had perfect weather, 72 and sunny, and played a relaxing round with two ladies who did not know each other. For any non-golfers, you usually play in groups of four. When you go as two, they hook you up with another two, or with two singles. It's one of the best things about golf. 99% of the time you play with nice people, and this ran true to form. It was a perfect start to the trip, and now we were in "seeing how things go" time.


Next stop was lunch at a restaurant called "Lesters". Manny likes it because "it's like a real diner, which is unusual in Florida".







As soon as we finished our excellent diner burgers, Manny said "I have an idea, let's go to the simulcasting at Pompano, and you can check out their poker room." I suspect this was his plan all along, but he wanted to keep it "between us" until he left the house. I thought this was a great plan, so we drove 10 minutes to Pompano Race Track. The present gambling thing in Florida are casinos that have slots and poker, but no table games. They also have simulcasting of horse racing from all over America. Works for me!!!

This is the place we went to.... http://www.theislepompanopark.com/home.php VERY nice.

As soon as we got inside, Manny said "Oh, I goofed, we should have eaten here at the lunch buffet. Great food, great prices." I told him not to worry, we had a great lunch. Let's bet some horses and play poker. So we played there for about two hours, and returned to base at dinner time.


We then went out for dinner with Joan, her daughter Debbie (lives in Florida now) and Debbie's daughter Elisa (visiting from Jersey). We drove to a restaurant in Ft. Lauderdale, and all things considered, it was enjoyable. Joan did ask, "Why didn't you guys go to the buffet at Pompano.....Manny, why didn't you take him to the buffet?" Oy. Fortunately this didn't go on too long, because she wanted to tell us all about the the outrageous breakfast place they had been to that morning, a place in Lake Worth called "John G's". They talked about it until the name was emblazoned in my cerebral cortex. But nothing a few martinis wouldn't fix.


All in all, a great day.


Tomorrow, more Weekend With Manny.

Fathers Day 2007

Top 10 things I learned from my father:

10. Think BIG.
9. Always reverse your exactas.
8. Give people a ride all the way home, no “dropping off”.
7. Tip generously.
6. Winning is not the only thing, fun and sportsmanship count.
5. Don’t use racial slurs.....he never did, and still doesn't.
4. Try to see things from both sides.
3. You can try to make everyone like you, but not everyone will.
2. Brothers should stick together and help each other.
1. Being a good father is very important. He grew up without one, and did his fathering without having anyone to show him how. I was luckier.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY MANNY!!!!